A Veneer of Certainty

The average male gets a lot of messages about sexism and its causes and effects, but very little proactive guidance on the topic. Any number of news items and web sites remind us that sexism is, of course, still a factor; some of our guy friends dismiss any notion that we exhibit boorish behavior; and our fathers might not exactly be founts of benevolent wisdom on the topic, still scarred by bra-burning of the late 1960’s. The point is all these messages put the focus on reactions to sexism – real or perceived – but not what we should be doing to become better denizens of the planet. Our basic marching orders for equality are not as simple as lifting the toilet seat or occasionally doing the dishes, so I'll take a crack at it.

Guys, it’s really pretty simple:
- Treat women with the same level of fairness, equality and expectation that you would give to another man. This goes for home, workplace and social situations.
- Remember what your mom told you countless times: Don’t be a dick. Or maybe it was the Golden Rule. Either way, show women and men equal doses of respect and courtesy.
- When you see other men acting like jerks to/about women, speak up about it. To let that kind of thing go on just hurts us all down the road.
- Some women put themselves out there for objectification (i.e., Pam Anderson, Jenna Jameson, Judi Dench) but most women don’t and really resent it when we do that. When you find your eyes lingering on that cute co-worker’s cleavage, ask yourself if you’d want some fellow mouth-breather ogling your daughter like that.
- Life is all about change. Major social structures morph every 20 – 30 years or so and the rules from Then may not apply Now. There was a time when Tiger could only wear a golf bag at Augusta, now he wears the green jacket. The same goes for male/female interaction so expect changes to what is expected of us.

And a request for women: When you feel that sexist behavior is in play, open a dialogue about it. Help us become better men.

I think men have two big fears related to being perceived as sexist. One is that there is not a single, all-encompassing definition of sexism to which that we can compare ourselves for progress. The second is that with social structures in a constant state of flux, we feel we'll never catch up to "doing the right thing." The best we can do is try to follow some basic rules and take the heat for where we fail to live up to individual expectations.

[UPDATE: I highly recommend that the guys read this post about Feminism 101, especially if they have a negative view of the feminist blogs and their content. Read it and get a better understanding.]